If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize