After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
