I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
