i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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