Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
