who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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