Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
