I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize