You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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