he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
