I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
