Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I would ride that face into the sunset
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
