I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
