i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
