I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
