K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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