I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
