WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
time to smoke my breakfast
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
