Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
