i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
