I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
