just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
