so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Houston, we have a blender
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
