I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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