On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
