All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
