it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
