is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
