so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I believe in your delicious
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize