Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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