did you get engaged???
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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