haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
