so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
