which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
