Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
