ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
