I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
