i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
