you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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