happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
