If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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