Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
