In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
