you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
