I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
