ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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