just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
