You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
