smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
