final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
