i will never coherently bang her
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize