Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
