woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
