Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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