Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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