Hey man sorry I got all grabby
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
