I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
