This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
