I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
where are my eyebrows?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
