Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
