I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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