i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
