Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
