She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
