Screwed.edu
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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