So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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