I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
