Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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