He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize