I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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