dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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