went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
