he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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