I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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