Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
