I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
