I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
